MDA Ambassador Guest Blog: Finding My Way to a Sober and Healthy Way of Living

Cassidy Nilles is 35 years old and lives in Illinois. Cassidy lives with Limb Girdle muscular dystrophy (LGMD) type 2J. She lives with her daughter, Capri, and their maltipoo, Mila, in a ranch-style home that they share with her parents. After spending 10 years as a cosmetologist doing hair in both Los Angeles and Illinois, Cassidy is currently enjoying her role as a stay-at-home mom.

We all go through things in life that shape us and make us who we are today.

This is a photo of me at the Toast of Life Gala before I gave a speech as the mission speaker.

I truly feel like I have been 100 different versions of myself throughout my adult life. Learning so many new lessons and absorbing so much new information throughout each year. I started working at my first job when I was 14 years old, sometimes having two jobs at a time throughout high school. I also started drinking alcohol and partying with my friends at that same age. Drinking became an escape for me and my relationship with alcohol continued into my adulthood. When I was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy my career as a hairstylist had just taken off.

Fast forward a few years, I had ended up living back at my parent’s house after living in Los Angeles for three years. I had to abandon my dream of being a hairstylist and get on SSDI as my body could no longer endure the physicality of being on my feet all day. Depression and mourning what my life “could have been” set in and I began drinking even more often. I always knew drinking was problematic for me, and I would likely have to give it up at some point, but it took many years for me to get there.

The journey to sobriety

I moved out of my parents’ house a few years later and had my daughter Capri in 2018, when I was 27 years old, making my dreams of becoming a mother come true. The second I saw her I knew I would do absolutely anything for her. Nothing can ever compare to the love you feel for your child! However, it took me some time to make the changes in my life that I needed to make for her and for myself.

My mom Martha and I at Coopers Hawks a few months into my sobriety journey and my first time taking my power wheelchair out!

I went through some of the toughest times of my life after having Capri, ultimately becoming a single (disabled) mom and moving back into my parents’ house yet again. There were times where I struggled with the will to even live. Drinking became a significant coping mechanism for me. I looked forward to getting into bed at the end of the day and having wine. I felt I deserved it to unwind and decompress after all I had been through. This is a topic I don’t think is openly talked about enough in our community:  the sometimes toxic things we do to cope with our disease and what we go through day to day. There is always a real sense of mourning, that if not processed in a healthy way, can be excruciating and so harmful to our wellbeing. I was losing every sense of who I was. The guilt I lived with was constant because I was in a vicious cycle. I was really struggling with my will to live, but then I remembered the saying “you would die for your child but would you LIVE for them?”.

I was at a crossroads, and I had a real sense of clarity. I knew I had to make a change, first for myself but also for my daughter who needs me! So I said goodbye to alcohol and my unhealthy drinking habits. I have been sober since August 8th, 2022.

This photo is me having a cappuccino a few months into my sobriety.

My dad suffered from alcoholism; it has been a long generational disease on both sides of my family. He stopped drinking when I was 8 years old and has been sober for nearly 30 years now. My dad made up his mind to cut out drinking from his life and achieved that through dedication and willpower. That is something that has always inspired me about his strength, it also really encouraged and propelled me to be able to do the same. I read the book “This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness & Change Your Life” by Annie Grace. It helped me tremendously and I always recommended it to anyone who struggles with their relationship with alcohol. I also used the Reframe app to track my sobriety and learn coping techniques; and I started going to therapy to work on healing and processing traumas and triggers.

Clean (and happy) living

The journey has not been easy, but it has opened up my life in so many ways! Mocktails have become my new best friend and so has an overall healthy way of living. I am fully invested in mine and my daughter’s health. Sobriety and working on clean living in all aspects of my life has improved my mental and physical health tremendously.

This is me enjoying a mocktail on my 34th birthday.

Trying to live a clean and healthy lifestyle impacts so many different daily choices that we make, but it is easiest to focus on one thing at a time. I really enjoy cooking and preparing meals at at home with the help of my caregiver. We opt to buy organic as much as possible and try to look for foods with minimal ingredients. I do a lot of detoxing to get rid of harmful heavy metals and parasites, as well as keeping my liver and other vital organs functioning well. Staying away from endocrine distributors, like fragrance and dyes in skincare and personal hygiene products, is another big health choice that I make in our lives. I also opt for natural fiber in clothing and bedding like cotton, wool, silk and bamboo. I take a good quality CBD capsule daily to help with pain and anxiety, as well as many vitamins and minerals. (It’s important to chat with your doctor and care team to determine which vitamins and supplements are safe and effective for you.)

We live in a world with so much toxicity, we owe it to ourselves to invest in our health and make it our number one priority – and to take the time to enjoy the small things and live one day at a time. The joy is in the journey!